18 Comments
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Nick DiCarlo's avatar

Over the years as a hospice volunteer, I would often get family members say how they felt inadequate or questioned their love for the individual because they were not expressing themselves like the others. They looked to me to help them understand this which I could only offer vague reasoning or say "people grieve in their own ways". Your explanation here goes a long way to help me understand this (mainly because I cannot control my tears). Thank you.

Elizabeth Kopple's avatar

Hi Nick, Thank you for your work as a hospice volunteer. I do think your offering—that people grieve in their own way—was true and helpful.

Kay H's avatar

Very true. People grieve in different ways. Sometimes the tears are silent and sometimes they come out when we are alone and no one can see or hear them. Thank you for this. Sending love 💗

Elizabeth Kopple's avatar

Thank you for reading, Kay.

Cindy's avatar

Thank you for this. I am also a quiet griever and thought I was not normal.

I do some screaming but mostly in my car when I'm alone.

Elizabeth Kopple's avatar

Car screaming is a fabulous suggestion. 😂I'm glad you've come to accept your own style of grief. Sending you love.

Emily Tammam's avatar

Thank you for sharing this. We need more stories like yours, so that we can all see aspects of our own grief in other people's words. I wrote this https://emilytammam.substack.com/p/grief-without-tears as I felt very similar to you. I think I will always wish I could just cry but I do have some acceptance that it's not a flaw in me that makes me this way.

Elizabeth Kopple's avatar

Emily - Thank you for sharing this piece with me.

Julie Neches's avatar

My tears come years later at unexpected times like when a song that reminds me of my daughter Alix plays on the car radio or I pass a place we spent time together. I also carry the silent tears with me at all times.

Elizabeth Kopple's avatar

Thank you sharing, Julie.

Julie Neches's avatar

Thank you for writing this evocative post!

Rea de Miranda's avatar

There is no set way to grieve. I was a crazy, keening mess when my son died by suicide.

It doesn't make anyone's suffering any less. Sending love and understanding.

Elizabeth Kopple's avatar

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience, Rea. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Elyssa Watkins's avatar

🙏🏻🫶🏻

Pam McCarty's avatar

Silent tears. So many can relate.

Elizabeth Kopple's avatar

Thank you for reading, Pam

Susan Soja's avatar

This is so beautiful.

Elizabeth Kopple's avatar

Thank you, Sue.