Channeling Grief

The Obliterated Place: Kaye Steinsapir on Grief and Hope

Kaye Steinsapir’s new podcast

The Obliterated Place: Kaye Steinsapir on Grief and Hope

On February 15, 2021, Kaye Steinsapir lost her 12-year-old daughter, Molly, following an e-bike accident. In the years since, Kaye, her husband, and their two sons have dedicated themselves to honoring Molly’s memory while navigating the long shadow of devastating loss.

Honoring Molly: The Molly Steinsapir Foundation

Today, Kaye leads the Molly Steinsapir Foundation, an organization dedicated to providing tangible assistance to Los Angeles County residents in need. Recently, the foundation has focused on helping local fire survivors replace furniture and essentials, while hosting gatherings for displaced residents. These efforts build on past initiatives supporting foster youth, the unhoused, public schools, and children’s hospitals—all in Molly's name.

A Shared Language of Loss: Coping with Parental Grief

I first met Kaye soon after my son Henry was killed; my cousin introduced us. She arrived at my door looking pulled together with styled hair and a pretty sweater. It was mid-morning but I was still wearing my pajamas. I reached out to hug her before she could put down the bag of pastries she’d brought.

If this grieving mom was surviving, maybe there was hope for me. I remember asking Kaye, “What am I supposed to do now? I literally have no idea.”

I saw recognition in her eyes. “You just need to take it day-by-day,” she explained. “Maybe even hour-by-hour.” That advice helped me focus on the road just beneath my feet.

The Obliterated Place: Podcast and Substack

Last month, Kaye launched her podcast: The Obliterated Place. The podcast title, inspired by a Dear Sugar column, refers to the new reality one inhabits when the life they once knew is completely destroyed. When something is obliterated, it’s unrecognizable, just like the world of a grieving parent.

Molly Steinsapir

Through her podcast and her Substack, Transforming Pain into Purpose, Kaye has created a venue for people to share their experiences of grief, celebrate their loved ones, and find ways to embrace a life that looks nothing like the one they envisioned.

“I believe that mentioning the names of those we have lost and telling their stories is a gift,” she explains. She describes a life where the old self and the old world have been wiped away.

In a recent broadcast, Kaye, who is also a breast cancer survivor, chats with her “breastie,” Suzanne Baruch Asherson about their challenges facing cancer as young mothers.

A Conversation on Legacy and Safety

In late February, Kaye and I sat down to talk about Molly, Henry, and how we’ve survived the death of our oldest children. Molly and Henry were both quirky and incredibly kind. They left the world a better place.

We discussed finding new ways to express our mothering instincts. For Kaye, that includes buying summer camp clothing for girls who cannot afford them—a ritual she finds deeply healing. For me, that includes my work as a Jewish Big Sister.

We also reflected on how both cancer survivors and grieving parents often ignore the "small stuff." We may find ourselves less petty and judgmental, acutely aware that our time here is limited.

Our discussion eventually turned to my campus safety advocacy work and efforts to pass the Corey Safety Act. [Reader more in “There are no accidents”] The Corey Act would require colleges to report on the number of serious bodily injuries and deaths resulting from unintentional injuries on campus.

Listen to this episode of the podcast on Spotify or watch the video on YouTube.

Read Kaye’s writing: Transforming Pain into Purpose.